Brian Voth, creator of Fireaxe, and thousands of other CuBase users new and old were officially sued for damages by the RIAA. The "big five" recording labels filed the lawsuits claiming that CuBase had the potential for doing trillions of dollars of damages to their poor struggling industry. Steinberg, the makers of CuBase were also named in the suit since they also had a lot of money.

"We were shocked when we found out what people could do with this software.", announced RIAA spokesperson Dick Reardon. "You can put a CD in the drive of a computer and record the music right into this software. Then you can save it, sample it, put parts of it in your own song, or whatever you want, and then post it on the internet. It's a major threat to copyright laws. You could use it to copy anything. We must ban it as soon as possible, well, right after we take away all their money."

When asked about the difficulty of getting a victory in such a case, especially against Fireaxe who has yet to produce a song using CuBase, Dick replied, "No problem, first we'll try him in the media where our financial clout will form the public opinion, then we'll take him to court. He's doomed."

A spokesman for Steinberg declared that if CuBase was banned it would mean that any recording device, such as tape recorders, CD burners, VCRs, and MiniDiscs could be banned and their users and manufacturers sued. The RIAA retaliated by saying, "We certainly hope so. We're going to do whatever it takes to protect our profits, er, the artists we represent."

"And furthermore," Dick Reardon added, "the other day I heard a kid singing an N'Sync tune while walking down the street. That means he's got an illegal copy of the song in his head. We demand that we get paid a royalty for that copy. And what if he sings it to someone else? That means that's another illegal copy floating around out there. We demand that all brain usage be suspended until we can figure out a way to stop the unlicensed copying of copyrighted material."

When reached for comment, Brian Voth sarcastically remarked, "Despite how screwed up this all is, this is America, justice will prevail. Justice, of course, meaning the side with the best lawyers."

As the RIAA stepped up their lawsuits against just about everyone, Alan Greenspan filed suit against Fireaxe claiming that Fireaxe was responsible for the economic downturn which cost him his credibility.

"Everyone charges at least $17 for a CD. The big five, independents, everyone. It's the American way. Charge the moon if people will pay it.", said Greenspan, "But this Voth guy, five bucks. He's killing the economy. The consumer confidence index is way down and the number of Fireaxe listeners is at an all time high. Coincidence? No."

Although it seemed like another idiotic economic cause and effect rationalization, no one could deny it.

"And he's doing it on purpose." Greenspan continued, "Once he wrote about an idealistic world where music was free. Blasphemy! Nothing should be free. Not even sex. We need to get this economy going again and if that means paying for sex, I'll be proud to do my part."

Minutes later stocks for companies providing prostitute and escort services skyrocketed as investors took advantage of other investors speculating that the stocks would go up. Money changed hands and a lot of people got richer on paper although, strangely enough, nothing was actually produced.

"My lawsuit is going to force Fireaxe to charge at least $17 for his CDs, more if his fans can afford it. And to make sure that money gets fed back into the economy I'm going to have him send it to me so that I can spend it. That bastard would probably put it in the bank. Which reminds me, I need to lower the interest rates again. What's wrong with you people? Spend everything that you make! Save the economy! Save your jobs! Save your country! Come on you monkeys! Get out there and buy, buy, buy!"

When reached for comment, Brian Voth said, "I'd comment on this, but right now I can't seem to get this awful image of Alan Greenspan having sex out of my mind."

Just when things started to get closer to normal Fireaxe was hit with another lawsuit, this time from the once thought dead Howard Philips Lovecraft.

"For fuck's sake, now what?", exclaimed an exasperated Brian Voth.

"You fools.", spoke H.P. Lovecraft dressed in the suit that he was buried in and bearing odd amphibian features, "I spent my entire life researching, studying, and warning you about the truths of the universe and you thought that it was just fiction? Now it's time for you to learn and know."

Lovecraft, with the help of a few lawyers who wear long robes and who cover their faces with wax masks at all times, have filed suit against all his imitators, those who put his poems to music, and a plethora of modern horror authors including Steven King.

"Why Steven King?", H.P. mused, "It was my first time back on Earth after over sixty years and I wanted to know what influence my work was having. So I decided to read 'The Stand' having heard how it was your best author's best novel. Now do you understand why I no longer care for the people of this planet?"

Fireaxe's CD "Lovecraftian Nightmares", particularly angered the horror author who had strong words to say about the music.

"When the stars are right and the earth is cleared off, the elder gods will dance in all their hideousness. And the music that they will dance to will no doubt be Fireaxe. That hideous cacophony of noise and wails would make Erich Zann cringe in horror. Azothoth could do no better at driving one insane."

Lovecraft's suit over his original copyrights are being disputed by the RIAA who claim to own the Fireaxe copyrights simply because they have good lawyers. Lovecraft was not amused.

"Do not summon to court that who you cannot put away.", warned H.P. with a cold dark stare.

And just when Brian was about to go completely broke from legal fees, thus forcing him to settle out of court, a final lawsuit came from none other than God himself.

"Thou hast defamed my character!", stormed the angry deity. "You shall suffer a plague of lawyers. You shall drown in summons. And you shall lose everything that you hold dear."

"Been there, done that, suck this.", replied Fireaxe's creator.

Billions of people tuned in to the case of God vs Fireaxe. Worldwide religious leaders and fanatics rejoiced in the coming of their Lord and deliverance from the evil nihilistic atheism that is Fireaxe.

"Praise to God!", shouted one reveler outside the courthouse, "I know that the Lord preaches forgiveness and turning the other cheek, but I'm really going to enjoy watching this bastard go down!"

It seemed as thought the entire world went silent as God stood up in court and presented his case.

"First of all, I exist. So there. But Brian has been telling everyone otherwise. This has hurt me greatly because it is faith that makes me strong and doubt that makes me weak."

A chant began in the courtroom, "We do believe in God. We do believe in God." God motioned for silence and they stopped.

"Brian does nothing but spread doubt and faithlessness.", God went on, "In his newsletter, in his music, in his e-mails there is nothing but contempt for me and my followers."

"He reads my e-mails?", whispered Brian, "Who is this guy, Big Brother?" No one laughed.

"He spreads anger, hatred, resentment and distrust towards religion, and this could destroy me." God spoke solemnly, "I demand that he repent, and I demand the repentance of all of his listeners. And if they do not repent, they are at your mercy."

"Death to Fireaxe. Death to Fireaxe.", the people began to chant, even the judge. God rested his case and took his seat. Things did not look good for the defendant who stood up to present his side.

"Just one question to God.", Brian began. "Just whose god are you anyway?"

"I'm the God of all people of course.", spoke the deity.

"That's not possible because all the different religions on our planet are contradictory and mutually exclusive. I'm sure that everyone just wants to know who is right and who is wrong. You know, settle this whole religion thing once and for all. So, whose God are you?"

"Umm,", God though as he looked around the room at all the faces of the believers of all different religions, most of whom would never accept any answer that he could give. Anger, resentment and hatred strong enough to utterly destroy him waited behind a wall of anticipation. The silence was deafening. Finally God spoke.

"Oh, fuck."